Wedding White?

When we think of a wedding dress in the western world we automatically tend to think of the white wedding dress. Truly it can be stunning seeing a beautiful woman appear in an elegant white wedding gown.

But there are so many other choices available which raises the question, why is white the predominate color among wedding dresses. Likewise, we are forced to ask, should it be?

Really there are three legs upon which the tradition of the white wedding gown rests within the western culture; tradition, symbolism, and beauty. A wise bride will take a few minutes to analyze each of these foundational concepts in an effort to determine what is best for her:

• Tradition: It surprises most to discover that the tradition that demands a white wedding gown is really not that old. In fact, most agree, that the tradition only goes back as far as Queen Victoria in 1840 who wore white as a show of her wealth since pure white fabric was expensive to make and obviously impractical to keep clean. Naturally, over the years as more and more people could afford the luxury of such an extravagant dress (especially in the 1950's as the post war boom hit and movie actors became glamorous stars) the tradition was solidified.
• Symbolism: In western culture the white wedding dress has come in the past several decades to symbolize purity rather than wealth as it originally did. Usually the symbolism refers to the bride herself, but sometimes the meaning is broadened to include the purity of the marriage or the marriage vows.
• Beauty: Truly, a white wedding gown that seems to shimmer in the light can be stunning. Likewise, there is something elegant and formal about white - I suspect it goes back to how difficult it is to keep clean - either a pure white dress or simply a white shirt. At least it speaks subconsciously to us of class, for a man or woman of upbringing would have the manners and training necessary to keep white formal wear looking nice throughout the celebration where those not brought up in the finer things of life would not. At least that's what some part of our brain wants to believe.

But what if an individual bride does not look good in white? Of necessity, such is a personal question.

Still, the question is valid. Is it necessary to spend the biggest day of one's life wearing something that does not flatter one's appearance? We have all seen brides in white who looked washed out and even harsh because of the white dress as compared to her already pale complexion.

The answer depends on what matters most to the individual bride. For some the symbolism of purity is worth the choice. For others, tradition is most important. For brides who fall into either of these categories it is enough to accent with other colors in the wedding shoes and flowers.

But if a bride is most interested in the dress that makes her look her best for her new husband, the memories of the day, and therefore the look of the overall wedding then she might want to consider some of the many color options in wedding dresses today. Indeed a wedding gown with the right amount of color for the bride that will wear it can enhance the beauty of both the dress and the bride wearing the dress - and isn't that what we are trying to achieve? Isn't the point of the extravagant wedding gown to highlight the beauty of both the bride and the marriage?

08-08-08

Last year everyone seemed to want to get married on 07-07-07. This year the talk is big of 08-08-08. Indeed, we have already seen numerous brides asking for that particular date.

Truly, it is understandable. It is a memorable date which means that it will be easy to remember.

Why 8/8/08 Will be a Big Wedding Date:

• Infinity: Turn an eight on it's side and you have the universal symbol for infinity - which provides a great design theme for a wedding that plans an eternity of marital bliss.
• Numerological Significance: Some numerologists claim that just as 666 is the number of the Antichrist, 888 is the number of Jesus. They base their claim on the fact that the numbers that correspond to the letters in the name of Jesus in the original Greek language of the Bible adds up to 888.
• Cultural Significance: In both Mandarin and Cantonese the pronunciation for the number 8 is so similar to the word for prosperity. Thus, it is reported that the Chinese tend to believe that the more eights involved with a wedding the better chance the marriage has for good fortune and even wealth.

Why 8/8/08 Will Not be a Big Wedding Date:

• 8/8/08 Falls on a Friday: Friday weddings can have some benefits, but the choice of Fridays makes travel difficult for out of town guests who are thereby required to take extra time off work.
• The 2008 Summer Olympics open on 8/8/08: Many people love watching the pageant that goes along with the opening of the Summer Olympic games so brides may be less than excited about trying to compete against something as internationally big as the Olympic Games.

The choice of any wedding date is an extremely personal one. Choose based on your own personal values - but also choose based on what is practical.

Get Your Groom Involved - Part Two

Let's face it. Men and women look at the wedding process differently and that makes it difficult to get your groom involved with the wedding planning process. We discussed this at length last week.

Where planning the wedding day for the bride can be an exciting fulfillment of a lifelong dream, the groom often finds himself feeling lost in a sea of details. Likewise, since he is not a female he does not understand why certain things are so important to his bride.

As a result, the strategy for getting a groom involved planning the wedding is to continue to look for aspects of the wedding planning process that will entice him into the process. That is to say, find tasks that he is comfortable enough taking on that will give him an opportunity to feel comfortable with the wedding planning process over all.

If he becomes comfortable with the process, his bride will have won an ally as she prepares for the big day and into the marriage beyond. If not... at least she will not have wasted time doing things that he feels comfortable taking care of.

• Secure Transportation: Let's face it. As a general rule guys love cars and everything that goes along with it. Give him the responsibility of arranging transportation to and from the wedding as well as making sure that all of your bridal party has transportation ( you wouldn't want one of your bridesmaids to find herself stuck at the reception hall after everyone else goes home).
  
• Honeymoon: Most guys love to plan travel, and planning a superb get away for himself and his new bride plays right into his interests.
  
• Registry: Surprised? This won't work if all the bride wants to register for is floral pattern china, but give him a chance to register for a leather reading chair for the study or a masculine grill for the deck and you might be surprised how interested he is in taking part in the rest of the registry process.
  
• Tasting: What guy doesn't like to eat? Bring him along for his opinion on the flavors of the samples you get from perspective caterers and pastry chefs. Once there and involved with the flavors of the event he might just come alive with ideas for your wedding reception.
  
• Create Playlist: A lot of guys today are very much into music and they love their high tech toys. Use that fact. Give them the responsibility of compiling a play list in whatever form you want the music in your wedding to be. It will make the music in the wedding personal whether your idea of music is a string quartet, a DJ, or your own iPod plugged into a sound system.

True, in many cases the groom is never going to be as involved in the wedding planning process as his bride would like him to be but that is all a part of learning the communication and cooperative skills that it takes to build a good marriage - and that is ultimately what the wedding is for, to celebrate the creation of a good marriage.

Get Him Involved in Wedding Planning

Yesterday we talked about why men don't tend to be as prone to be involved in wedding planning as women. That's important, if only for our own sanity.

But knowing why men tend to avoid the wedding planning process doesn't help unless we have a strategy for finding a way to recruit their assistance on what is, in most cases, the largest party you will every throw in your life.

Today's tip: Find something that he is interested in that can play a part in your wedding.

This will take a little bit of thought as you take time to consider his interests and skills. It is worth while after all. We are all different with different skills so finding the right fit might take some creativity. Because of that here are a couple suggestions that might help:

• Wedding Websites: Men are famous for loving their high tech toys. If yours is one of them then having them set up a wedding website could take a huge weight off your shoulders since the website can take care of the vast majority of all of your responsibilities to communicate with your guests. Think, maps. Thinks, hotel options for your out of town guests. Think a regular blog to keep your guests up to date on the developments of your wedding. Think videos. Think electronic RSVP and RSVP storage. The list goes on of tasks many men would be comfortable with and thereby willing (or even eager) to take on.
• Physical Preparations: Are there items to be built for your wedding or reception? Are you planning to buy an archway to disguise the ugly door to the wedding? Does he dabble in some kind of craftsmanship or art that you could incorporate into your decor for your reception? - On a personal note my father made unique vases for my wedding, and people still talk about our distinctive table centerpieces as a result - Are you looking for a way to put a gazebo on your parent's estate for the ceremony. Perhaps your groom could build it. It gets him involved, makes your wedding event more personal, is generally cheaper than purchasing, give you a keepsake of your big day, and most of all it tells him (in a way that he can hear) that his input in his wedding is indeed welcome.

As a general rule, while you can and probably should ask his opinion on flowers and color schemes, don't push in these areas. There is a real good chance he doesn't have enough interest in those areas to have an opinion and pushing will just make him feel unappreciated. Instead find areas that he does have interest and skill in. This will help him to feel appreciated and welcome in the wedding planning process and this will have benefits in building your marriage instead of just your wedding!

Why Don't Grooms Get Involved with Wedding Planning?

A common complaint among brides is that their grooms are not involved in the wedding planning process. If you are among the brides feeling this way, know that you are not alone. However, in order to fix this it is necessary to take a look at why grooms do not jump into wedding planning the way most brides do.

First, a question. Did you grow up dreaming of your wedding day? Did you imagine the color of your bridesmaids dresses and the smell of your bouquet when you were fourteen years old? Your groom did not. The way men and women look at the wedding day is as different as night and day.

As a general rule, where women want to savor the celebration, men look at the event with a certain degree of utilitarianism. That is not to say that they just expect to endure the event - no, the more socially adept do actually enjoy the event. Ultimately, however, men generally see the wedding day as little more than the starting line for their new life with the bride they have chosen. They would often be just as happy without all the elements that have become so common in modern weddings.

Furthermore, when young boys inquire about weddings and why they are the way they are the answer that they get often boils down to, "That's what the bride wanted." What kind of message does that send to the young boy trying to understand something that he will likely take part in later in his life? Simply put, it tells him that he, as a male, has no say in what goes on in his own wedding - and nobody likes hanging around where they are not wanted.

Likewise, consider the difference between male and female fashions. As a general rule fashions for men consist of blues, browns, and black with a few other colors thrown in. What does this tell us about men and the wedding planning process? Simply put, unless he is an accomplished artist he probably will not have an opinion on the choice of color pairings. Indeed, depending on the shade you choose he may not even know that is an actual color!

By they way, the same is true about flowers.

Finally, many brides become so intense in the wedding planning process that they actually start behaving badly (ever heard of Bridezilla?), treating those they love with contempt. Yes, often they do it to let those around them know that they need help, that they feel like they are drowning, but your average groom is not yet an expert at reading the subtext in a woman's actions so the message is lost. All he sees is an unattractive side to the woman that he thought he knew - in most cases, if he jumps in to help as a result of her behavior he does it because he feels like he is being coerced which will generally get minimal involvement with him looking for the first opportunity he can to escape (suddenly the boss needs him to work overtime).

So what can a bride do to get her groom involved? Obviously, the first step is to not become a bridezilla and instead try the direct approach of simply asking for his help.

Remember, however, that asking alone may not be enough. You might have to do some serious convincing that you really do care what he thinks about what the wedding should look like. But be warned, when you convince him that you really care what he thinks about the wedding celebration you need to be prepared to make compromises in your wedding dream. The reason for this is simply that if you get him to open up and then refuse to compromise your dreams what you are conveying to him is that you really do not care what he wants, that you really only want him to be your servant.

Do I need to point out that planning a wedding by using the groom as a manservant is a great way to ruin a wedding or even the marriage before it even begins?

Wedding Timeline Essentials

A lot is said about timelines for your wedding planning. Some of it good, some of it is not helpful. But one element that can't be overlooked if you are having your wedding gown special ordered (and most are) is that you allow yourself at least six months from the time you order the dress until the time you get it.

Yes, many get by with less time, but six months will give you time to get it built to your specifications and give you time to have any aspects of the gown that are not up to standard to be fixed without leaving you wondering if you are going to have a dress on your wedding day.

Good luck dress hunting!

Announcements, Invitations, and Email? Oh My!

When a new couple decide to tie the knot it is natural to want to share their good news with the entire world. But how to do it? Are there drawbacks and hazards to be avoided? We are all fallible, but would it not be nice to have some measure of confidence that in our enthusiasm we are not creating problems for ourselves to be dealt with as the wedding grows closer?

But how do you avoid it? How do you avoid having someone thinking that you were inviting them to the wedding when your intent was to merely announce your good news? In life there are never any guarantees, especially when we deal with human relationships, but we can limit the possibility of hurt feelings and confusion by breaking the process of communication regarding your wedding with your friends and loved ones to these elements:

• Announcement: When you first decide to get married make your engagement announcement, but keep it informal. Communicate with your friends and family the same way you would a major accomplishment. Call them on the telephone. Make the rounds and announce in person. Send an email.

In your announcement be clear. You are sharing your joy. Details will be decided later, but you at least wanted to share your exciting news directly with them.

• Save the Date Cards: These are becoming a must have in today's world. So many people live such busy lives that they just cannot be expected to plan to attend your wedding on simply a few weeks notice. Likewise, for those with guests who will have to travel more than a couple hundred miles, save the date cards enable you to give them notice in plenty of time for them to plan (and budget) for a trip to your wedding. And for those who choose to marry during the holidays or on long weekends when people often plan trips months in advance a save the date card is the only way your wedding is likely to fit into their schedule.

Mail Save the Date cards approximately five months before your wedding unless significant travel is required. In such circumstances eight to nine months prior to the wedding is not unreasonable.

Often made of a magnetized material so that your intended guest can keep it on their refrigerator, Save the Date cards are intended to be sent to those who are actually on your guest list. This tells them that they will, indeed, be receiving an invitation.

Fortunately, today's save the date cards come in a wide variety of styles so they can not only inform your guests of the planned date of your wedding but they also can give them a hint of your chosen style or theme.

• Invitations: Most experts agree that invitations should be placed in the mail about six weeks prior to the actual wedding date. The exception is for destination weddings or invitations that have to travel overseas. In such cases as early as three months prior to the wedding date is not unreasonable.
• Wedding Websites: These can be a great tool for communicating the latest developing wedding news with your guests. Include maps, online RSVP's, local information (including weather in many cases), hotel information, and even post pictures as your wedding planning continues.

Of course, some couples organize their wedding much quicker than these time lines allow. That is their prerogative. Adjust as you can. Just understand that some who would otherwise like to attend the wedding will not be able to attend because of the realities of life. That's the way life works.

Foundations of a Nautical Themed Wedding

Since it takes roughly six months to plan a normal wedding, January is the time to start talking about planning a nautical themed wedding. Yes, I know that seems strange when the snow is still on the ground, but that's how it goes. Besides, sometimes thinking warms thoughts can feel incredibly nice in the freezing air of Winter.

Regardless of whether you are planning a lighthouse themed wedding so you can get married on the bluff overlooking the crashing surf, or you are planning a wedding on a ship, or a wedding on the sand followed by an old fashioned cookout (if the local municipalities will allow it), or some variation of the above... Let me take a moment to suggest a couple details that will add to the overall effect greatly:

• Message in a Bottle Wedding Invitations: Send the message right at the start that your beach themed wedding is special by sending your wedding invitations in perhaps the most romantic way possible. It evokes images of messages of love and hope sent from loved ones at sea. These kinds of stories are the kind of romance that everyone loves - male and female... and that makes these special invitations an excellent foundation for your seaside marriage celebration.
• Barefoot Sandals: Whether you are walking across the sand or on the deck of a cruise ship you don't want high heels but you still want beauty. Barefoot sandals are the perfect opportunity to give your ocean side nuptials a elegant and sexy touch of the joy and easy going spirit of life at the beach.
• Sandcastle Centerpieces: Give your reception a beach feel with handcrafted sandcastle centerpieces either on all of the tables or just on the head table. It's a lot cheaper than an ice sculpture and will go a long way toward developing your decor.

Of course there are a myriad of decor options available for nautical themed weddings including any number of beach themed wedding favors which could really help to stretch a brides budget by extending the theme at the same time as taking care of the bride and groom's need to express their love and gratitude to their guests. But the point is, even just these three things will go a long way toward making your wedding by the sea look like what it is instead of just another wedding that has been transported to the ocean.

P.S. As a bonus, if you or someone you know is considering a beach wedding then you would do well to check out the battery operated tea light candles. The advantage here is that even on a blustery day at the seaside your candles will stay lit, creating the ambiance you are looking for.

Question: Don't uniquely themed weddings trivialize the wedding taking what should be sacred and turning it into a joke?

Answer: In short, no. Not necessarily.

However, we have all heard of weddings where that seemed to be the case and I have no doubt that themed weddings have been used that way. As a result, if this question is so deeply ingrained in your thinking it is probably best that you choose to make use of tradition and / or elegant touches such as silver and crystal to maintain the special nature of the event in your own mind. Having a uniquely themed wedding is not worth feeling guilty because you violated your own conscience.

That said a uniquely themed wedding can, in fact, add a level of solemnity to a ceremony. How? Through personalization. By personalizing the wedding with a theme that is unique to them a couple has an opportunity to say, in effect, "This is our commitment ceremony. It is deeply personal and we take it seriously." By resisting the cookie cutter approach and embracing a theme the couple is forced to think through what is important to them making the over all celebration potentially more intimate and therefore more solemn.

Wedding Colors for 2008

One of the first tasks of any wedding plan is to choose your wedding colors as this choice informs so many other decisions - and good planning is essential to enable any bride to make the best use of their wedding budget - obviously, it effects how well a theme is pulled off, it effects your choice of wedding and bridesmaids dress styles, it effects the decor of your reception hall, and on and on.


Really, when we talk about wedding colors we are really talking about pairings of colors for your wedding. Unless a bride wants a wedding in which everything is pink or dusty blue she needs to be thinking in terms of pairings of colors that will provide a tasteful palette upon which she and her wedding professionals can base their work.


Popular Wedding Colors


A quick look at fashion trends in general, which is usually a good indicator of future wedding colors, shows a high likelihood that the predominate colors this next season will be yellows and reds. But don't let yourself think apples and daffodils. Instead of daffodils think marigolds. As for the reds, think roses and shades of pink.


We are not talking primary colors here. Rather the wedding colors of 2008 are likely to see earth tone shades of the whatever color is used.


For example for a spring wedding a color scheme of marigold and pewter can really give a bright, yet elegant look to your wedding.


In 2007 we saw a lot of pink and chocolate brown combinations. No doubt this choice will continue to surface but a more stylish choice might pair pink and gold.

Don't like reds and yellows? That's okay. It is your wedding after all. Choose a color pair that you do like. We all want our weddings to look impressive to anyone who enters but tastes are personal so go with what you do like. Maybe you want to pair a purple in the color of a spring crocus with small accents of pale green. It's a stylish look for your wedding without being red and yellow.

Another option that will keep you in the trendy mode is to pair a muted blue with a soft moss color.

Of course, don't forget the classic white for an elegant wedding. Either pair it with touch accents of your favorite earth tone to give your classic wedding a slightly trendy look, or opt for a black and white combination for a stunning wedding look.

Ultimately, use these suggestions as a guideline. No more. It is your wedding, not the wedding of some fashion designer in Paris or New York. Choose a color pairing for your wedding that appeals to your eye and works with your concept for the theme that you have in mind for your wedding celebration.

Simple Wedding Elegance

During the holidays we got the opportunity to splurge and go to a super elegant restaurant. You know the kind I'm talking about. The kind that has an entire gallery of pictures of the owner with movie stars and presidents that have dined there...

No, the night I was there we didn't see anyone we recognized. As far as I could tell it was a normal night of business dinners and families like ours enjoying a special meal - and it was special.

Anyway, looking at the decor of that restaurant reminded me of something we often forget when we are trying to put together an elegant wedding reception.

In a tastefully dressed room, less is often more.

That's it. You can't leave a plain Jane ballroom untouched, but often it only takes a few decorative elements to create the atmosphere you want.

For example if there is a grand piano in your reception hall hire an accomplished pianist to provide tasteful background music for your guests and bring in several free standing plants with white lights in them. With a tastefully designed wedding cake as the focal point for the design aspect of your wedding reception, elegant dinnerware, and well chosen and unique wedding favors on your tables you might well find that you don't need anything else.

That high end restaurant we went to didn't. They didn't even have centerpieces. Not even a candle. Rather a combination of a white table cloth under diamond shaped place mats that created the image of a white star in the center of the table was all they had - coupled with a few well chosen decor elements around the room for their guest's visual interest, it was more than enough.

Focusing on Planning the Wedding Reception

When we set forth to plan a wedding reception the first question we must ask ourselves is, "What are we trying to achieve?"

It's easy to think that the answer is obvious, but in my discussions with brides over the years (hundreds, if not thousands by now) I have discovered that it really isn't. Brides tend to have one of several concepts in their mind based on their own upbringing and / or dreams. We might term these concepts as 1) Casual, 2) Themed, and 3) Elegant

• Casual: This is the wedding party that really doesn't care about how the celebration looks - as long as they have some time to celebrate with those who mean the most to them. I once met a young woman who told me that her ideal wedding celebration would be in a park with her reception centered around a barbecue that would end with her new husband and her slipping into their backpacks and hiking into the mountains for their honeymoon.
• Themed: A themed wedding takes a much loved idea and builds a decor around it taking care to ask how every element contributes to the development of the theme. This is the approach that chooses it's theme before the venue is chosen so that the venue can be chosen that will further the theme. After all, how much success can one have building a surf theme wedding in a crystal ballroom or an apple orchard?
• Elegant: The focus in an elegant wedding reception is to honor the value of a great marriage in the same way we honor a visiting dignitary by throwing a formal dinner for them in the dining establishment of the highest repute. This is not to say that the other formats devalue marriage (though we all know that can happen as well), just that if any meaning is given to an elegant style wedding reception this is usually the thinking behind it.
  
  

Really, in every type of wedding reception, those planning it need to do some careful planning. For example, would a casual wedding fit better in an immaculately tended English garden or ??? Likewise, what elements do you really need for your wedding? If your celebration is in the English garden mentioned above, how much do you really need to spend on your bridal flowers? If your caterer provides a ice sculpture that could serve as the design focal point for your wedding and an assortment of high end deserts do you really need to wedding cake? Couldn't you spend the money more effectively somewhere else?

For an elegant wedding, perhaps you choose to spend your money on a classical string quartet instead of the cheesy disc jockey playing the hits from the seventies and eighties all over again.

Want the string quartet but can't afford a formal dinner and the live musicians? Treat the reception more like the grand opening of an art gallery with high quality hors d’oeuvres and maybe the money you save on catering will allow you to have !

By continually asking ourselves the question what are we trying to achieve as we plan our wedding reception, we give ourselves a better chance at creating the wedding celebration that we have always been dreaming about.

Understanding Wedding Catering

Knowledge is power. It's true even when talking about booking the catering for your wedding. If you understand what drives the caterer - that is to say, if you understand the things that keeps your caterer up at night wondering if he or she should even stay in business - then you are in a strong position to negotiate.

Likewise, if you do not have a basic understanding your wedding caterer's business you run the risk of making yourself look foolish at best to the caterers you visit and potentially hostile.

Fortunately, a basic understanding of the wedding catering business can buy a lot of goodwill with your caterer which in itself might get you a better price and certainly is something you will need later if your guest list changes dramatically at the last minute.

• Food Costs: This part seems obvious. If you want steak and lobster your cost is going to be higher than if you choose a pasta dish for your wedding reception meal. However, there are aspects that often escape the uninitiated individuals notice. I'm speaking specifically of the availability and diversity of ingredients. Normally, the more common the ingredient is the less expensive it is. It is simple supply and demand. Likewise, if the recipe that you choose uses two different kinds of wines and spices that the caterer wouldn't normally use, then you are going to pay higher prices.
• Flexibility Costs: In the realm of wedding catering flexibility costs are simply the costs that a bride and / or groom pay to offer their guests a choice of dining options. Due to the dietary restrictions of your guests you might find that you need to offer more than one main course as an option so that no one is left out. This is common and really is good policy as the host and hostess of a celebration. However, think about it from the caterer's perspective. You have ordered hazelnut stuffed chicken as one main course, and prime rib as the other main course. Over the course of a hundred weddings the split between each main course might be 61 % to 39%, but the caterer cannot buy the food for your wedding on that assumption. Instead he or she has to purchase and prepare enough of both to make sure that the last person who expresses their preference gets what they order - even if everybody else at the wedding ordered the same thing!
• Labor Cost: Don't forget that everyone on the caterer's staff has to be paid. This means that if the caterer has just five individuals on staff that need to be at your wedding for five hours (a bare minimum when you figure preparation, set up, service, and clean up), at a very conservative rate of twenty dollars an hour you are looking at an initial labor cost of five hundred dollars before anyone has paid for any food!

Most caterers are more than willing to give you whatever your heart desires, but they can't pull it out of thin air. Anything your order will have a corresponding cost.

If you need to watch your catering costs (and who doesn't need to watch virtually every penny), the best way to accomplish your goal is to look for options that help your caterer cut their cost by looking at each of the three primary elements of your wedding caterer's cost.

The Christmas Wedding

I'll be back tomorrow... in the meantime, here is a creative way to have some fun with your wedding!

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