Why Don't Grooms Get Involved with Wedding Planning?

A common complaint among brides is that their grooms are not involved in the wedding planning process. If you are among the brides feeling this way, know that you are not alone. However, in order to fix this it is necessary to take a look at why grooms do not jump into wedding planning the way most brides do.

First, a question. Did you grow up dreaming of your wedding day? Did you imagine the color of your bridesmaids dresses and the smell of your bouquet when you were fourteen years old? Your groom did not. The way men and women look at the wedding day is as different as night and day.

As a general rule, where women want to savor the celebration, men look at the event with a certain degree of utilitarianism. That is not to say that they just expect to endure the event - no, the more socially adept do actually enjoy the event. Ultimately, however, men generally see the wedding day as little more than the starting line for their new life with the bride they have chosen. They would often be just as happy without all the elements that have become so common in modern weddings.

Furthermore, when young boys inquire about weddings and why they are the way they are the answer that they get often boils down to, "That's what the bride wanted." What kind of message does that send to the young boy trying to understand something that he will likely take part in later in his life? Simply put, it tells him that he, as a male, has no say in what goes on in his own wedding - and nobody likes hanging around where they are not wanted.

Likewise, consider the difference between male and female fashions. As a general rule fashions for men consist of blues, browns, and black with a few other colors thrown in. What does this tell us about men and the wedding planning process? Simply put, unless he is an accomplished artist he probably will not have an opinion on the choice of color pairings. Indeed, depending on the shade you choose he may not even know that is an actual color!

By they way, the same is true about flowers.

Finally, many brides become so intense in the wedding planning process that they actually start behaving badly (ever heard of Bridezilla?), treating those they love with contempt. Yes, often they do it to let those around them know that they need help, that they feel like they are drowning, but your average groom is not yet an expert at reading the subtext in a woman's actions so the message is lost. All he sees is an unattractive side to the woman that he thought he knew - in most cases, if he jumps in to help as a result of her behavior he does it because he feels like he is being coerced which will generally get minimal involvement with him looking for the first opportunity he can to escape (suddenly the boss needs him to work overtime).

So what can a bride do to get her groom involved? Obviously, the first step is to not become a bridezilla and instead try the direct approach of simply asking for his help.

Remember, however, that asking alone may not be enough. You might have to do some serious convincing that you really do care what he thinks about what the wedding should look like. But be warned, when you convince him that you really care what he thinks about the wedding celebration you need to be prepared to make compromises in your wedding dream. The reason for this is simply that if you get him to open up and then refuse to compromise your dreams what you are conveying to him is that you really do not care what he wants, that you really only want him to be your servant.

Do I need to point out that planning a wedding by using the groom as a manservant is a great way to ruin a wedding or even the marriage before it even begins?